Chris, you greasy bastard.
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30th Jun, 2009 | 01:05 pm
I'm going to make a post about Master Chef Australia. Its a reality TV show and I've been watching it almost every day so even though I feel lame writing about it, I also don't.
Mainly my issue is with Chris (that picture makes him look good). He makes food that makes me want to sing songs of praise. For example, last night he cooked a 3 course meal consisting of:
- Duck and black pudding stuffed into a duck's neck
- Half a pigs head, marinated and baked to crispy
- Beeramisu, which is like tiramisu, using chocolate stout instead of coffee
After this, I decided that I would be happy to fly interstate just to eat at any restaurant he was running. His idea for a restaurant is exactly where I want to be. The problem is that having watched the show has given me an insight into his personality. He's a grumpy, know-it-all who loves to tell everyone how it is and looks down on most of his competitors. He is also greasy, bloated and mono-browed with a bulbous wino nose and wears a hat all the time. Now I would call myself greasy and bloated and I also like to wear a hat, but my nose is in pretty good shape and I have two very distinct eyebrows. Also there is certain hat etiquette which hat-wearers should follow. For example, when you go to meet some of Sydney's top chefs and you have a meal with them, you should take your god damned hat off. Especially if its a wobbly-brimmed straw hat, stained dark from your greasy hair.
I guess that what annoys me most about him is that one of my good friends refers to him as "Dan" which makes me want to scrub myself with bleach in a bath full of drain cleaner.
In looking for links for this post, I stumbled across an Australian Muslims forum where they were discussing the show. Many of them agreed that Chris's food looked well made, despite the fact that a pigs head on a plate horrified them. One user commented that throughout the show they often drink alcohol and so isn't watching the show the same thing as associating with people who drink alcohol. I just had to wonder what kind of dreary world-view makes you think such things.